I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
