I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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