i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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