Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
