Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
