What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
