I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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