I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
