Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My feet surprised me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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