I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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