I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
