sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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