apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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