Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
