why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
40s are totally the cure
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
