I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
