life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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