You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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