So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
