I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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