Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
