There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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