I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
