If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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