sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
