So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
