Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
