Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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