I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
