10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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