He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
