I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
