We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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