So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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