So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
