I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
