I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
