Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
