Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
