i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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