wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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