3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
