I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
