i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
