hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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