I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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