May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
