HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
