i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We got so high we made milksteak
is wine microwaveable?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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