Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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