hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
