wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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