I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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