Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Your dad touched me again.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
