I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
