Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Randomize
