Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
