so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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